A Defining Moment

     Asia has lived a life full of ups and downs. A life that challenged her mental health, relationships, who she is as a woman and a single parent. A life that reached rock bottom; purposed for her to meet the True Rock of her life.

     Before Life Turning Point, I moved here from Brooklyn, New York to live with my mom. I then met my son’s father, and about two years into the relationship we became parents to our son, Ashton. Sometime after, my mom and I were not getting along, so she kicked me out and my son and I had to go to the Salvation Army shelter. When my son’s father found out we were at a shelter, he moved us into his home.

     This string of events quickly took a turn for the worse.

      I was happy that my son’s father decided to take us out of the shelter. After that happened, I got blessed with a job at Primark as a supervisor. But in the midst of all of that, we knew we weren’t ready to move in with each other. That's when the domestic violence started. One argument turned into a fight, and then that one fight turned into five fights. The last fight was the last straw, and I moved back in with my mom. The last fight was really detrimental to me, because that's when it became physical, and he was swinging me around like I was a rag doll. I could talk about it now, because I learned to forgive him, and we presently have a good co-parenting relationship; we surpassed that part of our lives.

     I moved in with my mom for about two years, and then I moved into my own place. At that time, I felt like that was my time to be a grown woman, you know, not asking for help and showing my parents that I can do it on my own. They helped me to move in. Even my son’s father helped me to move in, because like I said, we surpassed our past and got through it by the grace of God. Once I was on my own, just me and Ashton, I felt depressed trying to do everything on my own; trying to show that I have my big girl panties on and not asking for help, even though I was struggling to do stuff on my own - because it was my first time being on my own. There was one night when Ashton's dad came to pick him up. We got into this stupid argument about Ashton having manners, saying, “Please,” and “Thank you.” It was the dumbest argument ever, but nevertheless it had turned into an argument. After he left, I sat in my room in the dark.

I was a heavy weed smoker, and I had a bottle of Jack Daniels. The only pills I ever had in my house was Benadryl, because my brother would come and visit me, and he had really bad allergies. As I was sitting in the dark, something just came over me, and I ended up taking a handful of the Benadryl tablets with Jack Daniels. I texted my mom, dad, my son's godmother, and my best friend to tell them that I loved them and that I’m going to be okay.

 This was a defining moment for Asia; what could’ve been the beginning of her turning point. Psalm 139:7-14 (NIV) states,

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, “even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well.”

  The next thing I knew, I heard banging on my door. As I was stumbling down the stairs, I fell into my son's godmother's arms while opening the door for her. I woke up with my mom on one side of my couch, my son's godmother on the other side of the couch, and two ambulance people in front of me with this big needle trying to wake me up. And I could see my mom telling them, "No, no, no. She's awake. She's awake." And I just looked into my mom’s eyes and I started crying. I told her I was sorry; then they took me to the hospital with my son’s father by my side. I remember him being by my bedside that whole night; crying, holding my hands, telling me he's sorry.

     At the time, it brought up memories of family members who went through a similar thing. So I feel like I was selfish in a way and not thinking about what my mom would have to go through, reliving those experiences all over again. I saw a lot at the hospital; things a girl my age at that time shouldn’t be seeing. There were a lot of young people that were younger than me, psychotic and going through the motions. I would try to sleep, but I would be awakened to screams and hearing what’s called “crisis codes” when someone needed emergency help.

I just kept crying and praying like, "God, just get me home to my son - just get me home to my son!” I told God, "I'm so sorry that I tried to take my life. If you can get me through this, I will definitely try to make a change.” I felt like He was telling me, “I don't make you go through these experiences to make you weak. It's to make you stronger.” Now that I'm older, I know that is what the spirit of depression can do to you when you don't recognize it. And I also know that God was showing me what my family went through by my being in a psychiatric hospital. I will never forget the case manager that was assigned to me, Ms. Stacy. She ripped me into pieces, but in a good way, and the psychiatrist was like, "Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you. You don't need to be here." They called my parents right away and told them, "You can come and get her. She's being released." Once I got released, I ran into my dad's arms like a little girl and cried so hard and just kept telling him, “I'm sorry,” and my dad cried with me too. Even the security guard, who was watching me the whole time while I was there said, "Just take your baby girl home." I got through it with God and the support of my village.

     As time went on, Asia found a management position at a furniture store, but she desired a more service-oriented role. Focusing on her goals, she resigned from CB2 and started new employment at a veterinary hospital. This venture did not last long, due to Asia being falsely accused of fraudulent paperwork after reporting workplace harassment. Feeling like she had overstayed her welcome living with her mother, after facing unemployment, Asia prayed for a way to restart her life outside of dependency on the housing system; this is what led her to Life Turning Point of Philadelphia.

  I did not tell anyone what I wanted to do. I started googling shelters, and of course, the Salvation Army came up. So, I kept searching, looking up different shelters, and one night Life Turning Point came up. I went on the website where I saw Mr. and Mrs. Adcock. I began to do a whole bunch of research and stuff and I was just like, "Okay, Father, is this the one?" I called and left a voicemail explaining my situation: that I am a single mother of a ten-year-old. This was in November. I told God that I was going to do it after we celebrated my son’s tenth birthday. In a couple of days, I called back several times. It was Sister Kelly who answered the phone, I answered her questions, and that was it. I didn't hear anything back.

About a week later, I was at an ex-boyfriend's house, sitting on his couch, and I got the phone call to see if I could come in for an interview. I felt like my heart went into my stomach, because I didn't think that they would call me back so quickly. I accepted the interview and told my son’s father about it. He immediately supported me saying, "Yeah, it sounds like it's a wonderful program. I don't mind having my son, so that way you can make something better for him. Anything that you do, Asia, that is going to make you a better woman and a better mother for our son. I got your back one-hundred percent." Those were his exact words.

      I was sitting in my mom's backyard on the phone with him and I looked up in the sky; the sun started shining directly on me. I felt that this was God letting me know that this is the path. When I told my mom, she looked up LTP and excitedly told me, “This place is beautiful. Oh, I know. This is all God's doing!” During the interview, I met Sister Francena and Sister Kelly; then with Sister Rita. After it was all said and done, Sister Rita told me they decided to accept me in the program, and I was like, “For real?” I started crying, and she gave me a hug. I moved in with my things on November 19th.

     And since that day, I have made mistakes. God blessed me with a wonderful job that I love. After a month of being at my job. I got comfortable. I got really comfortable, and I fell back into my old habits. Randomly, Sister Rita said, “Let me drug test you.” The drug test came back positive. Now, I should have gotten kicked out. I know that was God giving me grace and mercy. And I know that Sister Rita was giving me mercy and not giving up on me. That was one mistake I made, and I learned from it, and I am continuing to work with the addictions counselor, Sis. Kendra. I apologized to Sister Rita about it, because at first I wasn't trying to admit to it because of my guilt, shame and embarrassment. But I had to be the woman that I know I can be, and that my mom and everyone has raised me to be, and be honest about it. So that was one slip up that I had. I'm not too proud of it, but I can admit it.

     Just recently, Sister Rita gave me an assignment to go over Matthew 7:16-20 and Matthew 7:21-23, and I recently just turned in my paperwork. I realized by reading those scriptures and praying over them (and I'm really a big crybaby, by the way) that I messed up. They showed me that if I really want to walk with Christ and follow Jesus’ teachings, I cannot be part of that bad fruit tree. I was challenged to think about what I was doing behind closed doors. Was I working on my character? That right there hurt me, because I know that's something that I need to work on. I know I can grow good fruit and stand grounded. I just need to ask God to help me to have a better understanding of His Word and have Him show me what my character really is; to stand grounded in the right things and not just go with wrongdoing because it looks good at that time.

     And I know the devil will play mind games with you if you allow it. Thanks to Sister Rita for being a mentor and a director; she's also a teacher through Christ. And I also thank her for not giving up on me, because she could have. But I know she sees the potential in me; that God can pull me through.

Upon closing, Asia shared some of the goals she is working on during case management sessions.

     I am saving my money and paying my program fees two months in advance, and I am also getting closer to God. I want to learn about His word and everything. That way, I can show and teach my son as well. I signed up for a first-time home buyers’ program. That starts June 14th. So I am looking into the process of purchasing a home. I know that's a big step, but I do have my parents' support and they're going to help me put down money, if I need it. I honestly feel like as much rent is costing, I might as well put that into a mortgage or something on my own. I want to have something that I can pass down to my son. I feel like I'm at the age where I need to have stability. I know this is not going to be easy, but God never makes anything as easy for you if He wants it to be for you. My personal goals are to keep my joy with or without a man, learning my character and getting back in the gym. As long as I got God by my side, I’m going to be okay. I am making sure I graduate from Life Turning Point as the best mother and the best woman that I can be for my son and myself.