Father of the Fatherless

God has a way of shining His light on the harmful things we normalized so we can see who He truly is. What makes this 21-year-old woman’s journey unique is God’s invitation to experience His love through discipline. This is Crystal’s story.

I was born and raised in Philadelphia. After I graduated from high school I lived in Houston, Atlanta; then back to Philly. I grew up in a relatively verbally and physically abusive home with my younger sisters and mom. All my life up until this point has been chaotic. I lived in a single parent household due to my dad being in and out of me and my younger sisters’ lives. Some time after I came back up here I became pregnant.

Becoming a mother has its own set of tests; particularly when instability has been your only constant. Life Turning Point became a beacon of stability for this young family.

I found Life Turning Point while I was looking up shelters while staying at a domestic violence place, and before that, my child and I were staying at a hotel. Before the required 30-day stay was over at the domestic violence place, I was accepted here in December. It's been good here. It’s definitely good to have support from other moms and other people to encourage me, you know? When I came here, the staff and moms were really welcoming. Since I've been here, it is making me step outside of my comfort zone and become comfortable in my skin as well. I’m really not a people person, I didn't usually surround myself with a lot of women either. I had a fear of socializing and being in close contact with women. Before I came here, I don't think I ever even hugged another woman. I was traumatized that badly. But I came a long way; God really showed me His love here. It's definitely been a blessing in disguise.

For some of us, it is hard to fathom taking care of a child alone and at the same time working through multiple forms of trauma. Not going through with becoming a parent has crossed the minds of many young women.

Being a parent is a blessing. Being able to raise him in Christ is a blessing, but I didn't always see it that way. When I first found out I was pregnant, I didn't even want my son; it was that bad. God really had to work on me and show me certain things. I trust God, and I know that it happened for a reason. I want to be a present and intentional mom regarding how I raise him, and I want to give him the best life possible, making sure my son knows he's loved, even when his father is not present. I want him to know that my mistakes don't have to be his. I want him to see a good example in me. If it wasn't for him, I'd be out somewhere being a wild mess. I'm happy about where we are now!

Crystal has come a long way during her four months in the program. She has engaged in the weekly evening classes, workshops about wellness, the importance of reading to your children, being a support to past residents during their graduations, and attending case management appointments.

I am learning so much from the counseling I started before I came here to work on trauma and the case management I receive here with my case manager, Sis. Dianne. This month, I will begin seeing a new therapist here, thank God. I have a lot going on. I don't express a lot about what I'm going through; I'll bottle it up. Sometimes, I take my attitude out on the staff. I am learning to not allow outside things that really don't matter to affect me. The staff is working with me on that. They advise me if I am going through something, let them know; talk about it.

 I need to learn self-control and gain emotional intelligence. Like I shouldn't allow one thing to affect my whole day. I get in my head a lot. If somebody is rude to me when I am out, I'll be thinking about it all day, having an attitude with everybody I come in contact with. I kind of knew it was a problem, but I never really took it seriously and had to face it - until now. I now understand the severity of how my behaviors can hinder me from moving forward in life and how important it is to be able to regulate your emotions. Ms. Jordan, my therapist now, she tells me things I don't wanna hear, but I gotta hear it. All I could do is take it and learn from it. So I'm grateful to whoever takes the time to teach me.

I am also in school for business; presently I am taking an IT class. I am getting my life together step-by-step. I have to learn how to make my own decisions, pay my bills, and become self-sufficient and stable.

Crystal became a believer of Jesus prior to her stay at LTP. She was asked about her relationship with God and how God has always been the father she always needed.

I encountered Jesus on July 27th, right before I had my son. My relationship with Him (God) has definitely gotten better. He's definitely been working with me to be more dependent on Him and to trust Him. I don't know; He got me in a season where it's just me and Him. He took everybody from me; everybody and everything. God has been working on my heart; like He's been bringing to the surface things I've been through that I forgot about and teaching me how to be a better mom. One time I was doing something,

and like he told me instantly, “Do not do that again!”

He disciplines me because I've been so undisciplined my whole life. He is teaching me to be still, as well. Sometimes I hear an audible voice, but most times, it's like a strong conviction in my spirit. I am so grateful. He pulled me out of a lot of stuff. He protects me from myself, because when I look back on all the stuff I was going through last year, especially after I had my son, I was just digging myself into a deeper hole. God is Lord, and He is like a father to me, especially with discipline. He is the example of what a man is or what a man should aspire to be. He's been showing me how I don't need any man but Him because is my protection and my provider. I haven't had a job in a year, and He makes sure everything I need is paid for. I now understand that not having a father figure caused me to idolize men.

Before things get better, many times we must walk through the valley.

After I had my son, I was severely depressed; I was cutting my arm, and then my child’s father didn't make anything better. When he was around, he was not present. He would come get our child whenever he wanted to, or whatever the case was. I expected, essentially, for us to be like this big happy family. I don't know, that's not what it was. At that time, I didn't want to be a mom. And then especially after he just left me, after we had a little disagreement, it was hard. So I was so confused. But then last year, we were about to move in together but God stopped it immediately! That would've been a whole situation. I was told by a friend he was cheating on me. That was nothing but God. He definitely pulled me out of that. God has been keeping me and healing me ever since.

At the end of the interview, Crystal was asked what she would say to a young mom who is going through a devastating time and considering applying to LTP. This was her response: ”I would tell her to be still; just trust God. I think a lot of times we get clouded by what we can see and not realize how God is moving in our lives. Sometimes as moms, we need a breather. I would tell her to be still and trust God; and that nothing is permanent. This is not a period, it's a comma to your story and God is still writing your story; trust Him.”

*Crystal is a fictitious name to protect the identity of the resident.